Healing Archives • Anné M. Klint

Self-Compassion Is Damn Hard Sometimes

Anné — Thu, 06 Jun 2019 21:30:52 +0000

It Ain’t Always Easy To Be Kind To Yourself

Despite our best efforts, taking solid care of our emotional, spiritual, and psychological selves can be damn hard sometimes. In life, some of the only things I can guarantee you (besides an end to it all) is that there will occasionally be curveballs, too-tall speed bumps, and lotsa opportunities to revert to living in survival mode.

I don’t know how it shows up for you, but these are the dark and muddy places where stress eating, acting out, saying things we don’t mean, feeling resentful, and wanting to run and hide take over. (And that’s all in just the first few hours of my day!)

These are also our growth edges. This is where if we lean in to the discomfort, emotional pain or anxiety, we might actually learn something about ourselves and what we can do better to meet our interior needs and experience a little grace in our lives.

What happens when we don’t practice self-compassion?

I dunno about you, but I tend to hang with a pretty awesome crew of self-aware people who are actively seeking to improve themselves and their lives. They hold down jobs to meet their physical needs, they have big ol’ hearts and tend to care a lot for others, and they often know what they need to keep their inner game strong, too. Stuff like time off of work, dinner with friends, and hiking in the woods.

But for all of us, life can get very stressful at times. Things beyond our control can cause a careful energy balance to tip into the red. Go too long with an energy deficit and even the smallest issues can seem impossible to surmount.

When my self-compassion game slips into the red, I feel:

• Overwhelmed
• Discouraged
• Resentful (at what, I’m not always sure!)
• Emotionally and physically exhausted
• An emptiness inside
• Like the biggest imposter ever (‘cuz I teach this stuff to others for a living)

To be sure, failing to care for our emotional and spiritual needs creates the perfect storm of suckiness. It makes it harder to feel connected to the people we care most about. And when we feel uninspired, overwhelmed, or tapped out, life is just harder all around because we’ve lost our oommff!

What happens when we DO practice self-compassion?

I have talked on and on about the health benefits of getting out of survival mode and into a loving place of self-compassion. You can read more about how a self-compassion practice leads to improved health and well-being outcomes here.

A lot of other groovy things happen when we practice self-compassion and radical self-acceptance. You may not have realized this, but when we start to treat ourselves with kindness (and I’m not talking mani-pedis, friends, it’s the internal stuff that matters most) we create a shift in our perspective.

A shift in perspective from “I am not worthy of self-compassion or self-directed kindness” to “Hey, maybe if everyone else is, then I am too!” will cause a radical shift in your external experience.

Huh?

Yes! Change how you feel about yourself on the inside and what you see, feel, and experience in your outer world will change too.

When you treat yourself with the same kindness that you would offer to your best bud, you will open your eyes to new opportunities that you couldn’t see before.

Things like applying for that promotion at work because now you think you can actually pull it off! Or working up the nerve to ask that cute barista out who makes your daily full-fat, half-caf, coconut latte. Or maybe you’ll muster up the courage to finally start writing the next great American novel.

Self-compassion changes the way we think about ourselves. In addition, it changes the way we look at the world, and importantly, our place in the world.

A self-compassion practice creates:

• A sense of belonging
• An ability to maintain healthy personal boundaries
• A wider perspective on what you are able to be, have, do, and achieve
• Compassion for others, for animals, and for our planet
• Increased connection with others
• Greater willingness and desire to stretch, grow, and become your best self
• An incredible ability to create the life you really want

You got that? Practicing radical self-acceptance and self-compassion will allow you to create the life you want for yourself. I ain’t kidding around on this one.

How do I get my self-compassion practice back on track (or start a new practice)?

I’ve got so many tips and tricks up my sleeves for you, my dears! It’s helpful to remember that we are all individuals with different needs, schedules, abilities, and natural inclinations. Therefore, it’s best to find a few tools that work best for you and stay open to the possibility that you will need different tools in different situations.

What follows are just a few of my tried and true methods that I teach my clients to practice. Test them out and see what jives with you.

Gratitude

A gratitude practice is essential when you are down in the dumps for any reason, and especially when you’ve fallen off the self-compassion wagon. If you really struggle with accepting your body (health, appearance, or weight), try a gratitude practice where you list three things each morning about your body that you are grateful for. Examples: Smiling eyes, bodacious booty, strong legs to carry you.

Meditation

A meditation or mindfulness practice will help you to see your thoughts more clearly. When we become more aware of the internal monologue between our ears, we become able to course correct and can then choose to focus on more loving thoughts. Meditation is all about getting to know ourselves better and being more awake when we are “off the cushion”.

Lovingkindness (Metta Meditation)

Practicing lovingkindness towards others first, and then to ourselves can create a bridge to focusing loving thoughts towards ourselves. Finding a simple Metta meditation can be very calming and centering, and easily practiced throughout your day. I love Insight Timer, a free meditation app with more than 15,000 meditations available in multiple languages. Get it and use it!

Your Breath!

Your breath is your greatest ally of all. Most of us are never fully breathing into our lower lungs like we did when we were babies. Taking a moment to find and focus on our breath can remind us to re-center, put the jar of peanut better down, and then decide if we are really hungry or just freaked out and wanting to numb and soothe ourselves.

Tools To Thrive By

If you’re serious about showing up for yourself and creating big change in your life, please consider enrolling in my four-month program, Tools To Thrive By. It’s open for beta testing at a reduced price. This program teaches you all the tools you need to find your center, come home to yourself, and create the life you really want. And of course, none of this can be done without practicing self-compassion!

Hire a Coach or Healer

Seriously, sometimes our numbing or limiting patterns are so hardwired we can’t even see them fully, which really gets in the way of self-compassion. This is when it’s time to call in reinforcements in your self-compassion crusade.

I had to do this because my self-loathing and self-destructive patterns were so pervasive that I couldn’t escape the quagmire. Decades of quietly hating myself had taken a serious toll on my health, my relationships, my outlook on life and what I thought possible for myself; namely a state of peace, openness, and living my purpose.

It is honestly the best money I have ever spent. Reach out if you want to have a quick convo with me to see if your self-compassion game needs a little boosting and what will work best for you in your life.

The post Self-Compassion Is Damn Hard Sometimes appeared first on Anné M. Klint.

Supplements I can’t go without

Anné — Fri, 10 Feb 2017 02:28:25 +0000

Our bodies have different needs at different times. As we age, we may need digestive support in the way of enzymes. Or hormonal support as, ahem, things start to change. How we eat will affect our neurotransmitters, and stress can deplete the body of precious minerals and vitamins. And even our DNA will predispose some of us to require supplementation, at least until we can turn off the negatively expressing gene SNPs hiding in our cells. In fact, epigenetics tells us that supplementation is in fact sometimes required to make that shift.

For this phase of my life, my body and mind thrive when I consume the following:

Pure Encapsulations B Complex Plus (with MetaFolin to address DNA and support energy)
Pure Encapsulations P-5-P 50 (for burning feet and adrenal support)
NOW L-Tryptophan 500mg (mood and sleep support)
Premier Research Labs Adaptagen R-3 (hormone and sleep support)
Arbonne Digestion Plus (probiotics, prebiotics, and digestive enzymes to support proper gut health and function)
Arbonne Greens Balance (super charges anti-oxidant intake, boosts energy)

I also take Iodine, D3/K2 combo, a sublingual B12 and vitamin C. As needed, I’ll add in magnesium, calcium and GABA. Damn that’s a lot!

Of course, none of this works without consistently eating really healthy meals with tons of veggies and fresh fruits, clean proteins and limited grains. I enjoy fermented foods, bone broth, and green smoothies in addition to what you see above.

I am confident that as I continue to heal my gut, and heal the emotional traumas of my past, my body’s needs will continue to shift and I won’t need to take so many supplements.

And while I know that technically speaking, protein powder is not a supplement, this deserves a Very Honorable Mention. I love and will not go without Arbonne protein powder for the energy it delivers. Arbonne’s clean, soy-free vegan protein absolutely helped my adrenals recover after total burnout and collapse in 2014. I’ve tried a lot of different proteins and this one is the best in term of how it makes my body feel. And it tastes great, too.

I buy most of these supplements from the awesome online retailer www.PureFormulas.com. Create your own free account and get a discount using my referral code: SOQMRHX

I buy the Arbonne products from my own awesome online retailer: www.AnneKlint.arbonne.com. Contact me to shop at a discount.

Happy thriving!

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Self-Care for Dummies

Anné — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 00:50:37 +0000

Self-Care For Dummies, aka For The Old Me.
The New Me Is Learning How!

What is this Self-Care thing, you ask? Is it massages and pedicures, spa dates and shopping trips? Did I hear you say it sounds like something for rich folks? Well, you’re only half right. Because there’s so much more to it.

You see, Self-Care is basically any act we intentionally perform whose aim is to provide self-directed care on some basic or not-so-basic physical, emotional, or psychological level. Some Self-Care is habit by now, or at least I hope it is, like brushing your teeth everyday.

Brush yer grillz!

We’re all taught on some level to care for others first. Women as nurturers, men as bread-winners (I’m generalizing, of course – hats off to the nurturing bread-winners of any gender). But that usually means that we put others’ needs before our own. Even our animal friends seem to eat better than we do, and on a regular schedule to boot!

The physical realm is the easiest for me personally to navigate. We all know how to tend wounds, shower, and exercise (even if we don’t do it). But I want to talk about the other stuff, too, because my ignorance of and disregard for a self-focused nurturing practice left me completely and wildly burned out with adrenal fatigue two and a half years ago. What I see now, but couldn’t fathom then, was how important Self-Care is to our health; physical, emotional, and psychological.

Since my burnout, I’ve gotten pretty darn good at listening to my body, maybe even too good. Well beyond recognizing when I’m hungry, tired, and thirsty, I’ve learned how to supplement for energy, better sleep, and balanced hormones and mood. I prepare meals that not only satisfy, but also nourish and heal my adrenals. I’ve even gotten out of my comfort zone and started using really nice skincare. Every now and again, I buy myself something that’s just for me. These are all physical means of nurturing the self.

However, I’m still not so great at the other aspects of Self-Care. Examples of emotional Self-Care would be listening to your inner voice that tells you when a situation feels good, or doesn’t, and taking appropriate action to feel emotionally safe or confident. Another example is fulfilling our need for shared connection. A third would be living with integrity and standing in your power, even when it feels risky or just plain hard to do. (How do we get there, I hear you asking? Read on!)

When it comes to psychological Self-Care, I may have a slightly better handle on it. In fact, instead of sitting down to write this earlier today, I decided I’d rather tackle a few very dusty piles of paperwork in my office that had been nagging at me for many months. With a clear head, I was easily able to recycle nearly all of it, and file away most of the rest. I wasn’t sure if I was merely procrastinating, or if I was getting something off my to-do list that was seriously cramping my “head space.” That act of double Self-Care (crossing something off the list and creating a more visually appealing surround) most definitely created a bit of mental fresh air.

Self-Care can be different for everyone. Sure, as humans, we all share the same basic needs, but how we meet those needs will be up to you. The important part is to Nike that sh*t. Just do it. Start small. Build up. Make new habits.

And love yourself, like you’re all you’ve got.

This was a fun and helpful way to look at Self-Care: You Feel Like Shit: An Interactive Self-Care Guide

And for even more Bay Area fun, join my MeetUp group. We picnic, hike, color, blow bubbles, meditate at the beach, and discuss Self-Care strategies while engaging in Self-Care activities. It’s free!

Easy Tips For Physical Self-Care:

Breathe!

Check in with your body each morning. Sit quietly for 5 minutes and focus on your breath. Let your thoughts come and go. Don’t micromanage them.

Check in throughout the day. Ask yourself, am I thirsty? Good chance you are. Drink some water. It’s not rocket science.

On the flip side, check in as you are eating. Stop eating the moment you start to feel full. Worried about Catholic, Jewish, or starving-kids-in-Ethiopia guilt? Save unfinished bites for later, when you are hungry again.

Clean Plate Club!

News cycle got you down? Turn it off! All of it. Don’t worry, it will still be there when you come back.

Feeling super stressed out in traffic? Did some A-hole just cut you off? Why is that person driving so ever loving SLOWLY? See first option above.

Check in with your body. Are you feeling stiff, achy, or sore? Move that old bod of yours. We were designed for movement, gosh darn it. So get your groove on, go for a walk, fly a kite, have sex. Stretch, bend, fold, roll, whatever it takes. Nike it.

“It rubs the lotion on it’s back.” Do something nice for yourself. Bubble bath, massage, lotion up. Paint your toenails. Even if you’re a dude. Or…especially if you’re a dude.

Easy Tips For Emotional Self-Care:

Gratitude journal.

Keep a small notebook of everything you are grateful for. This sounds super corny, I know. But trust me, this works. Or, each night as you drift off to sleep, recount three things you are grateful for that day. Start each day with three grateful events you anticipate coming true. The fact that you are alive counts as one!

Keep a running list of everything you like about yourself in a small notebook. The entries don’t even need to be true. They can be things you would simply like to think about yourself!

i-heart-me

Check in with yourself. How do you feel after spending time with someone? Are you energized, brimming with love, or feeling drained? Spend your time and energy in ways and with people who fill you up.

Allow your feelings.

When negatives emotions come up, don’t push them away. (What we resist, persists.) Get curious. Ask yourself where and when you felt this way before. Go deeper. Thank those emotions for keeping you safe and alive until now and tell them you don’t need them anymore. Decide how you’d rather feel and imagine yourself feeling that way! Yes, I know what you are thinking, but neuroscience says this works!

Smile and say hello to strangers! If they smile back, major bonus!

Practice receiving.

Hold both ends of the giving stick. If you are always giving, start receiving for a change (I know that can feel really uncomfortable). If you are always receiving, do some giving. If we all gave, there’d be no one to receive, you see? We need to practice both to be whole.

Easy Tips For Psychological Self-Care:

Change things up.

Take a new route to work, or to the grocery store. Making new neural networks keeps your experience on this planet fresh and alive.

Clean up your self talk.

If someone talked to me the way I have often talked to myself, I’d probably have punched ‘em right in the kisser. If you can’t clean it up using the Get Curious method above, get some help. A simple diet change, or tryptophan, or counseling can make a big difference here. Ask me how!

It’s not a big deal.

Failure. Everyone does it. Keep going. Keep the self-criticism in check. See above.

Friends. Cherish them.

Make new ones. Cultivate relationships like you would a garden upon whose bounty your life depended. Ask for help when you need it and you’ll find people actually want to help you! Offer it when you think they do.

Say NO.

You don’t have to do everything all the time. Give yourself a break already. Spreading yourself thin shortchanges you and everyone else. Listen to the subtle cues your body is telling you before you over-commit. *Note to self: You don’t need to save the entire world.

De-Clutter.

Clean it up. It weighs on your mind, nagging at you. Set aside a short amount of time every week to tackle a small area. Little by little, organizing will become a habit, and you won’t feel overwhelmed trying to do it all at once. Hire help if you need to.

Help me!

To-Do Lists.

Be real. Is everything on your list really a priority? Chunk it down into two lists; one for today (or this week) and one for the future. Put the future list away and after prioritizing the today list, decide what you can do immediately. And then do it. Don’t let the list be a noose around your neck.

Remember, you don’t have to do everything all at once. Pick one thing and start today. Add more once that intention becomes habit.

Shine on, beautiful people!

And by golly, love yourself! Because you’re awesome when you let your light shine.

What are your strategies for Self-Care? I wanna know in the box below!

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